Everybody's Free to play Pokemon
by Opal Amari
Summary: Okay, so the title isn't entirely accurate, but it's a parody of Baz Luhrman's song/monolouge "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)." I'm not sure if anyone else did this before, so this is entirely coincidental. So, yeah, enjoy!!!


            (A/n) I used to hate this song… come to think of it, I think I still do (I'm so depressed…) but I couldn't resist a little poke. So here you go!!! 

By the way, I suggest comparing this with the original lyrics so that some stuff makes sense.

Nup, don't own Baz Luhrman's song OR Pokemon. So… yeh can't sue. 

                                                **Everybody's free (to play Pokemon).**

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Pokemon League of '03,

            Wear Pokegear.

            If I could offer you one tip for the future… well, Pokegear would be one of the top three. The long-term benefits of Pokegear have been proven by scientists and trainers everywhere who have been chased up trees by rabid Ursarings without food, whereas my advice has no basis because I've never had the attention span to relate from any sort of experience.

I will dispense this non-existent advice now.

Enjoy the power and strength of your Pokemon.

Oh, never mind.

You will not understand the power and strength of your Pokemon until they evolve and get medieval on your candy apple arse.

But trust me, in a few years when you're lying on your hospital cot, burnt, bruised and wrapped in a full body cast, you'll look back on memories of yourself and won't believe that you actually _did_ stand a chance against the Elite Four and you'll see just how careless you were.

That Snorlax _is_ as fat as you imagined.

Don't worry about that Kadabra.

Or worry, but know that worrying is probably going to make you paranoid and crazy.

The real troubles in life are apt to be that Houndoom that's following you. 

Hah, made you look!

Do one thing every day that involves hugging an Oddish.

Frolic with the Hoppips.

Don't be reckless with your Pokemon.

Don't be surprised when that Pokemon picks you up and tosses you around recklessly.

Floss… your Pokemon's teeth. Shiny teeth are goooood.

Don't waste your time on Legendary Pokemon.

Sometimes they're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

The race is long and sooner or later, you're going to throw off the balance of the universe by catching them.

Remember the Pokemon you catch.

Forget the trainers who beat you.

If you succeed in this, you are either very admirable or very ignorant.

Keep all your old Pokemon friends.

Release the ones who might be secretly plotting behind your back.

Stretch with your Pokemon. Exercise is gooooood.

Don't feel guilty if you didn't make it to the Pokemon League.

The most interesting Pokemon don't have to be high level or owned by strong trainers.

Some of the most interesting 40-levelers are still wild.

Feed your Pokemon plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your Caterpies.

You'll miss them when they evolve and go off to find love, never to see you again.

Maybe you'll succeed, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll meet Mewtwo, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll be booted out of the Pokemon League, maybe you won't and will spend the rest of your life pondering deeper matters on top of a mountain, alone.

Whatever you do, don't fall in love with anyone traveling with you.

You know the rest.

So does everyone else.

Enjoy your starter.

Use it in as many battles as you can.

Don't be afraid of it (because it can probably smell fear) and don't let other people tell you when to evolve it.

Feed it berries all the time; it's the greatest Pokemon you'll ever have.

Dance, but only on Mondays when the Clefairy come out so you can get a Moon Stone and not pay squat.

Read the directions, but if you're Ash you probably won't follow them.

Don't listen to girls who tell you that their Pokemon are beautiful.

Chances are they're compensating for something.

Get to know all your Pokemon.

You never know when they'll be stolen.

Be nice to them too.

Do that and they'll most likely stick with you in the future.

Understand that Pokemon come and go, but you'll only be able to capture a precious few.

Work hard to bridge the gap between school and training, because with all that questing I'm surprised half the trainers out there can even read.

Live in Celadon City once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Live at the Lake of Rage once, but leave before you get yourself killed.

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Charizards will disobey,

Badges will be stolen,

Clefairies will be blissfully ignorant and you too, will wear out your welcome after challenging the Elite Four 143 times.

And when you do, don't come crying to me. Oh yeah, and those Clefairies will still be blissfully ignorant.

Respect the trainers who have 5 fully evolved starters and one level 100 Mew.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

That is, unless you set up a bank account with your mom.

But you never know when she'll spend it on stuff you have no use for.

Don't take your Pokemon to the Haircut salon if they don't have any hair to be cut.

Be careful whose Magikarp you buy, but be patient when trying to train it.

Magikarp are like a confusing metaphor.

Buying it is a way of training it, evolving it, earning its trust and using it to show your rival what happens when he attacks you at the end of Victory Road, mere feet away from a Pokemon Center.

But, guys, TRUST me on the Pokegear.

(A/n) Hope you liked it. ^_^ It's all I could think up now. Too much stress… and please, if you're going to flame, go easy. It's gonna be a long last two months of school…


End file.
